Jangan sama ertikan 'tak tegur' dengan 'lupa'. You judge solely based on what you see. Mungkin sebab apa yang ada dalam kepala aku, apa yang aku rasa, semua tu tak penting. Kau mahukan tindakan jelas. I cant blame you for wanting that. Actions are more believable than words eh?
Words are meaningless unless the other person listens. I stop explaining myself because they said I made up excuses, they refused to listen. And it hurt. They said that I remember them only when I have problems. They were wrong, and it hurt. So I talk even less to them, aku tak nak diorang fikir aku cari diorang sebab aku ada masalah. I'm afraid to approach people. They have their own problems to pay attention to, they have their own life to live on. I dont want to be a bother. I care. I do care. But I'm used to hide what I feel. I'm used to being numb. I'm used to ignore feelings inside me. I made myself to act like this for years. I stopped being a crybaby, I stopped being too sensitive. I've become numb and expressionless. I act like I dont care because this is one of ways for me to stay strong, for me to survive in school, for me to survive in this society. I'm not good with keeping in touch with my friends. Maybe because I'm used to being left out, so I always mind my own life and do things alone. Friends, I dont know how to express emotions in the right way anymore. Dont blame me.
To that anon;
Kalau kau adalah orang yang aku sangka, kau mungkin tak sedar sesuatu.
I tried to change myself for you. And it hurt every single time I tried and every single time you complained. I tried to fit myself in your world. It hurt for not being wanted. It hurt when I felt ignored. It hurt when I felt so alone around people. It hurt when you had and still have someone better than me to be with. But I said nothing, because our relationship was far more important than what I felt. I didnt want to hurt you, I knew you tried your best to be my friend. But you kept wanting me to change. You wanted me to express myself more. But when I told you how I felt, you didnt believe me. It hurt. I tried. And I tried so hard. I felt like you wanted me to be someone else. Did you realize that? I was tired so I stopped trying. I dont feel needed and I dont feel accepted. I wont blame you. But you need to know these before blaming me. I dont know how to deal with people and they dont understand me either. Maybe it's true, I built walls and keep people away because I always hurt them even I dont mean to, and I hurt myself too.
You refused to confront me and hurt me anonymously instead. I dont hate you. I'm just disappointed. If you want to leave, I cant stop you. I wont stop you. If you want to stay, please remember this always;
I wont ever forget my friends. Maybe there will be time that you feel like I've forgotten you or I dont care about you, I'm sorry for making you feel like this but trust my words; I don't forget and I do care. You can always act like you used to with me. I will forever be your ally when you need me, just say so. I dont have ESP to know everything without anyone telling me. You have to tell me directly, I wont complain and I dont mind. I know I should stay in touch with you more. I'm sorry. Dont expect too much from me. Accept me just the way I am and trust me. I did, I do and will do the same for you.
Kepada yang menjadi kawan dan ada kawan;
"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they got"